When couples step into traditional therapy, the journey can be long and strenuous. If they’re on the brink of a breakup or buried under layers of anger, therapists may find themselves wading through these deep-seated issues, resulting in sessions filled with shouting and blame.
As a result, many couples walk away from traditional therapy feeling even more disheartened. They hoped for answers, but often leave without their needs addressed, which only intensifies their sense of despair. It’s dispiriting to seek guidance from an expert only to feel unheard or receive no constructive feedback.
When I coach clients, I often ask them, especially if I sense a profound unhappiness: “Being completely honest, isn’t the root issue the lack of intimacy? Have you lost that spark, making you feel more like roommates than partners? Amidst all the disputes, where’s the happiness? With so much defensiveness, are you making any real progress?” More often than not, nearly always in fact, they confess that this hits the nail on the head.
Given this, I present them with a choice. They can either persist in pointing fingers and dwelling on the pain or shift their focus to what they genuinely want from the relationship, laying out a clearer roadmap to connection and love.
Starting with a well-defined goal offers a fresh direction, rather than revisiting the same shadowy trails they’ve been on repeatedly. Most times, issues began much earlier, but no one addressed them. This silence allowed unnoticed wrongs to breed resentment, leading to their current struggles. After all, people primarily seek therapy or coaching to better their lives, not to be stuck in a repetitive cycle of negativity.