Many men know the simple formula how to improve their bodies:
1. Eat unprocessed foods
2. Exercise regularly
3. Get ample sleep
So why doesn’t every guy just do this?
Many guys have unconscious blocks that prevent them from achieving their goals and sabotage
their results. I recorded a podcast with Marc Perry that will be unlike anything you’ve heard
before. It goes deep. Every man will benefit from this discussion (and ladies can as well)!
1. Why negative leverage never works for lasting results
2. The difference between higher functioning & lower functioning people
3. The 3-step process for overcoming negative patterns
4. What loving yourself really means
5. How a man with everything can still feel empty
Okay, hey, everyone, this is mark perry. and today i have a very special guest of me, doctor, ray doctor, and his last name is felt a d o k t o r.
And so a couple of years ago, i reached out to doctor ray because i had heard an entrepreneur raving about the m d r therapy and how it helped to remove roadblocks and become a better entrepreneur.
And i’m like thinking, why not give it a try. i’ll give it a try. So um while i never ended up doing embarrassment, i did have a handful of session with dr ray, and they were really impactful for me on many levels. and i guess recently completed another handful sessions. and so for most of my life, the whole idea of like seeing, like a therapist or psychiatrist is not something i ever contemplated and kind of. frankly, i thought it was for people who maybe had some serious traumatic or psychological issues. and so i wanted to do this podcast. doctor ray first introduced to him, and he’s a really smart guy.
Wide breadth and depth of experience and number two, after, you know, i’ve helped guys improve their health. moving for ten years. i’m very grateful. I think this is something that could potentially benefit a ton of guys.
we’re starting with the same patterns and challenges over and over and over and over again. and so what i’m hoping to do today is pick doctor, raise brain about therapy, what it is, what it’s not who can benefit from it. so you can get an overview of this is something that may be used for for you, or maybe someone you love, right. and so uh let me just tell you a quick a bio, give you a kind of a quick background on doctor ray.
So doctor raised a doctor in clinical psychology and pioneer in bridging psychology and eastern philosophies with science and spirituality over the past twenty four years, doctor ray’s works, the transformational life coach, workshop facilitator, author and accomplished speaker. he helps people break through their limited. And challenges to attain self mastery. and he’s training and he’s training in a bunch, a bunch of things. we’ll we’ll dive into a couple today. uh one, you know, hypnotherapy, just thought therapy, guided imagery in your therapy and l.p.g.gong，psyche, meditation, sound healing and semantic experience that is all a melt for. and so doctor has conducted workshops.
And i share the same stages with marion williamson, bruce lipton, john gray and ecker tolle to name a few. and he also has made numerous media appearances. I mean, you can kinda google him, and you’ll see a bunch of media parents he’s made, and he’s been quoted in several major media publications. and so he currently resides in santa monica, where i am as well. and so um with all of that, said, doctor ray, i really, really, really appreciate you, appreciate you taking the time out to uh to join today. thank you so much. this is very exciting night, and i’m looking forward to the questions you have that you’re gonna going to.
And for clarity, i am gonna talk about, you know, this, this therapeutic world, and probably like traditional therapy versus coaching, because um with coaching, it’s setting up future tablets with therapy. it’s kind of like going into the deeper story and say the past. and yet a lot of people never move forward. it’s just the same narrative, so, so that that’s real. that’s so, and that’s wonder i really wanna dive in. i’m super, super excited. i think that’s even got me more excited, but you just said, so, so what? what is therapy like to start out with that?
So.traditional therapy, because that’s what most people would probably experience is where you talk about something. and if you just open up about it, if you shed some tears, then for most surface, that’s considered a positive experience.
It doesn’t matter if you’re there for five years, the, the model is not so much about where you get. it’s more about the process. so the process could be forever. now, it’s not saying it’s not beneficial, but it’s to hold that space for someone to look at things a little bit deeper and be interested. But with traditional therapy, what happens with that, a person still typically arrives to the apparent realities, such as in this way i feel behind, or i feel like i’m a mess, or i feel a lack of confidence because my father is harder me. my mother was never around.
My parents were alcoholics to this happened to me when i was my childhood and so forth. and every person should be able to talk about those things. it’s just, it’s one thing to talk about it. it’s another thing to like. okay, now that i have this information. how is it affecting me internally, and what unconscious beliefs i have about myself that stopped me from moving forward, regardless of, say, what mark sharon is positive. i know it should work. and i’ve read these self help books, and i’ve watched these positive videos on youtube, i find myself still kind of in this vicious cycle of self sabotaging. So the model of traditional therapy is where you talk about your experiences, your emotions, and hopefully that therapists can hold that container for you to understand yourself better. so it is to lead to self awareness.
But if that self awareness is also still with a kind of skewed perception of yourself, and you don’t have a map to move forward, you can truly get stuck in that, even if you have an amazing coach, such as mark offering information, because it’s used, you know, it’d be like, i notice this a lot with coaches. they’ll share information, particularly with men, more than women. and i know that might like a generalization, generalization, but it’s what i’ve seen, experienced. and men will try to think themselves into a positive choice.
They’re trying to think themselves and what they’re going to do, and yet emotionally they’re not aligned. ah, their unconscious mind is still saying you can’t do it. you’re a loser and whatever else. so therapy, the attempt is to try to find out sabotage myself, why am i still not able to move forward? why is it that i keep hitting this invisible wall, even though i consciously know that there’s a better choice.that’s ah, that’s a lot. said, man, i really, really appreciate it um. I think there’s a lot there’s a lot in there that we, we we can dive into.
And so.i mean, you, you touched upon it in that answer, but i was just curious to hear, like, even like, i guess, even more directly or simply, and you’ve touched upon us already, like coaching versus therapy, because i’ve coached guys for many years. and there, sometimes when i feel like it’s almost straddling the line. Is this, is this almost therapeutic, like, where, where is this going?
And so i want to hear your thoughts on what you think, kind of coaching versus therapy is. it is a gray area, because also cognitive therapy could also resemble coaching, because it’s given people say task. it’s kind of helping them kind of understand themselves, and given them behavior modifications, such as a coach would be. but to be very clear, very simple, it’s this therapy in a way it’s exploring the emotional round, including major past childhood. whereas with coaching and say, traditional coaching, the idea is to move forward to where you want to go and to remove.
Still, maybe some blocks that might be in your way, but it might be more like such as yourself as a coach or other coaches. they’re challenging a person’s philosophy. so, for example, if i we were client, and i would say, you know, life really sucks, or like, i just don’t think i can do it. your approach might be, will. um, you know, i hear you, i feel you. but what would you really want to do? and where would you really wanna go, and then that person starts talking about where they wanna go, they maybe start taking responsibility, rather than kind of playing more. and like i can’t do it or victimhood, and hopefully they can move forward to create a better life, such as do training, you know, ah, be committed to uh say.
Staying on a diet and everything else. but if they have the emotional story, if they have them, the hidden emotional challenges, then that will always disrupt coaching. it will always disrupt, you know, even like there’s a lot of people who go see tony robins thousands and thousands, and their, they feel amazing for the first two weeks, but they often revert back to all behaviors because there’s hidden stories. so therapy can go there, but a combination of therapy and coaching, that’s a whole other model. and to me, that would be the best of both worlds combined. because then you’re exploring what blocks you, but you also have a map where to go. you have a new set of philosophies, for example, in traditional therapy, a a a therapist will typically be compassion and say, yeah, your parents were not that kind. yes, you didn’t experience love. yes, your parents for conditional and look at judgmental. And a coach, you might what might say. well, dude, you know, they’re not here. they’re not in your life. you kind of got to get over it. what do you want to do about it?and so. A person in therapy can save it forever and keep talking about that over and over and over again, it is good. um, by the way, why really like this uh interview also is that it’s latin others out there know how to use it to your best benefit, because doesn’t mean therapy is none is, is bad.
It’s that if you need a space to talk about those motions, great, but you also wanna move forward. and if that therapist is not home and space for you, you need some type of code, such as mark to guide you there. And so i actually really appreciate that. and so for, for the listeners, like one thing that i thought was really cool about meeting doctor ray was like, i have a natural conversation. and he, i told him about some of the challenges i experienced, like, yeah, he’s like four sessions.
I’m like, what are you talking about? he’s like, yeah, we just. we do four sessions that it’s done. and so for this type of in this type of area, i imagine that there it creates a dependency situation really easily like, especially like a personal trainer, for example, i have a personal training practice. one thing i worry about is, i didn’t want, like our clients become dependent on us. and it’s like all of a sudden, it’s like, oh, i can’t work out on us. and with my trainer, and or i can’t get results in lesson with my trainer. and so anyways, i think this area in particular, probably even more than training, like, especially with therapy. it’s like all of a sudden, any slight issue or challenging your life. it’s like, oh, man, i gotta i gotta versus kind of handling and working through it yourself.
And so i’m kind of curious. doctor ray. i mean, from your perspective, it’s like. How do you?create a situation where you don’t create dependency, right, like, how does that? how does that possible? what your thoughts on that? so first off, when i work with clients, because at the clinical training and a lot of people are coming to me for, say, therapy, but i don’t provide therapy. i haven’t worked in that realm. i’m, i’m a coach, but i didn’t say i’m a hybrid coach because i have that training. so i interview people, i do a discovery, free discovery call where i ask particular questions. i need a great long time.
So i’m intuitive. i kinda see where persons are. so there are some people who will show up, and they are having like drinking problems, and they’re still really not, they’re still on the fence, whether or not to wear that, they’re just. i wouldn’t say, and i don’t know, say, lower function with judgment, but i typically work with higher functioning people. so person who is lower function, where it’s just more about survival versus driving, for example, that we look like a person, just if they don’t stop drinking, they’re gonna, lose their job, lose their family. they’re not thinking about hobbies and working out. and you know, i mean.they’re at a level like, you know, my, my life is not really functional right now with the drinking. this is the most important thing right now in my life.
And i appreciate that they might be better off with a and a person who specializes in alcoholism or old net space, or that have a therapist or coach. It’s it’s a different model where they might have to see that person a lot more more times in a way. it was as if this person is a sponsor, because they’re trying to deal with something that’s kind of been going on for a while, they’re still stuck in it. they might not even have that understanding of why they start drinking in the first place. so people are different levels of their healing and understand.if that makes sense, like for, for, for example, you’re, you have been in.
Uh, i would say, healing coaching arena for a very long time. so the conversations you hear by your colleagues and just even live in here, more, more people are higher function. so but when you get with people who are like almost on skid row, or where they are, just like in a really, really like tough place, where just imagine being a man who’s never showed us an options. and he’s never even like saw his dad cry or share his emotions. his dad was very detached and just say he’s taken on some of those qualities for him to say, i’m having a bad day might be a lot for him to to act any other than being on might be uncomfortable so that person might do well with a coach that’s going to hold space like that or therapist who will spend a year two years because it might be really baby steps, really baby steps.
So there’s sometimes that can look like to some people like the tendency, but the model, which i shared is not. it is where that a person will need to see you more. so for you, mark your higher function. and when i interviewed you, i validated that also made it on our discovery call. so that’s kind of how i see it and how i work. now, to answer your question directly about the tendency. it’s that the coach or therapist never takes responsibility for the well being. they never take away late. for example, it is really about given reflection to that client, such as you’re aware, you made a good decision, you know, and you, before the past, you said, you didn’t. do you notice how much better you didn’t have it feel to make your own decisions to make healthier choices? it’s where you instill in them all little things, no matter how small it, it appears. so they start feeling that confident. so they make their own decisions and don’t develop this dependency on that culture therapy. However, it can also happen when, say, a therapist or coach hasn’t worked out their own shit.
In other words, there are therapists, coaches out there. and yeah, this is kind of a warning where they, they have a work through their demons, and therefore they develop a dependency. it’s other way around. people don’t realize that there are therapists who have been with their clients for twenty years, because that they might rely on that consistency of making money to that they, their sense of self is by having that person come in to the office and keep working through it. but if the client is stuck in the process, and so that there is a stuck in the process, they both have become cold, dependant on each other.interesting and so. we went somewhere else with that. no, no, no, no, there’s a lot. here. again, there’s there’s a lot here. i mean.you know, we’re talking about in the beginning about these patterns, and certainly it’s like, you know, guys who’ve gone through our programs, for example, you know, certainly with eating challenges. right, it’s like they can’t stop. let’s just call it. who knows what it is like late night snacking or just emotional eating. it’s like they get stressed out, and it’s like. you know, the rails come off type of thing.
And so i guess i’m curious. there are probably, i mean, there are many different ways to think about kind of stopping a pattern right in creating a new pattern. i’m kind of curious how you think about it, how you go about helping someone.okay. so imagine.and i’m confirming that majority of clients are men, are they all men, um, well, just in, in terms of like we, you know, we’ve got the website where we’ve got like. hundreds of thousands of people who come, it’s all, it’s, it’s all man, right, as in terms of all the customers. yeah, okay, so, so imagine ah, it’s a man. and he has challenges eating okay and so on the purchase and and multiple ways. so imagine on his refrigerator, he has an a post that says, what you’re looking for is not in here.
So just that is a little a reminder, and also, hopefully bring some humor in that. and so he might have a notepad somewhere there. and every time he feels the need to eat, he has to check in his body, literally put his hand on his belly and his hand in his heart and say, like, what are you really feeling? is it hunger or something else? and it’s to direct them into the state, or the emotion of what he’s feeling in his body. and if that were to become uncomfortable, then to avoid that discomfort, this say, eating.this kind of suitable way like to take an aspirin, you know, for a headache to to get rid of that.
So that would just be like one little stern, i’m just blasting is out now working with a coach or say something like myself. it would be to see.why is this feeling bad, if you’re able to fill yourself, isn’t that great, rather than robotics? So his association connections, emotions might be. this is awful. you know, i need a man it up. it might be. it’s what his dad told him.
It said he grew up in a culture where uh that was more value to be able to be stoke or something. so it might be the narrative he’s saying when he feels that, therefore using, allow himself to cry. and so he’s kind of bottled up. so the food serves as a way to help him feel some type of relief to feel better. so when you start creating disconnections right now, so i only know a lot of men are going. wow, wow, like you’re i, i kind of breaking your record wide open, but there’s a inner dialogue that’s happening. there’s a sequence before you start eating, and when you understand that you understand the mechanism, it’s really hard to keep falling into his patterns, because you just now for this interview, you just now learn that there’s a sequence, and it’s more you start catching yourself to where, of course, you put healthier things in place. so it’s like if i’m feeling emptiness and.eating what is a core issue in my emptiness. well, it could be that.I don’t really experience life and not presents, therefore the money i make doesn’t fill me up. the woman i’m with doesn’t fill me up. nothing fills me up, because i’m not really present with myself.
I don’t like who i am. man, my hearings go. well. fuck, i’m fat, you know, like, how can i love myself? well, you’re feeding yourself up with something that’s making you feel worse. and when you fill yourself with the emotions, it creates the newer chemicals in your body to, to help you feel very satisfied and to where they start breaking the parents, because you start giving your body, the things that’s always wanted, rather than food. This is really powerful self. and so the doctor, ray just doesn’t aside, it’s, you know, one thing i’ve kind of helped guys with, and and i’ve been kind of recommending his idea of having like a photo food journal. so the idea is, as you have your like cue routine, reward, kind of pattern, right? it’s like, oh, you have a queue. maybe you smell something, maybe see something, and then you go through a little routine. next thing, you know, it’s like mindless. and then you know, you’re eating whatever it is, and maybe it’s not going to be the best for you. and maybe it’s kind.
Pointing you, in a way that’s not improving your health and well being. and so the one kind of caveat is that, yes, it can help you become very aware, because it’s like a pattern interrupt. so go before i eat. i’ve got to take a photo of something it interrupts the pattern, right? but the tricky thing is, i think what you’re getting to is they’re, they’re deeper. there’s another layer, there’s another layer or two or three or four underneath this. and so um and so you were mentioning the kind of uh, you know, in terms of these archetypes, i guess right like someone who, who maybe out of it is very stoic.
I mean, is there, uh i’m just trying to get a sense like, i mean, how can someone kind of get to the root, and not only just get to the root, they might even know, like, okay, their challenges, their issues. but how do they?i guess, find the root and then overcome it. i mean, obviously working with someone might like like yourself might be very helpful, but i just want to kind of ask you that. okay. so i wanna match the one thing keeping on track here because i’m hearing three responses right now. okay. so first off, keep in mind that majority of people who try to stop. are using a negative leverage, and that means the private themselves, okay, and that means. having negative, and when i say it’s not like inherently negative, it’s, but it’s more of this is that if deep inside within your emotional body, this is rewarding you.
And some shape or form to eat.more and often, that person has become that way by negative things that have been said to hammer heard. okay, so then if you start creating like rules and things to do, to deprive yourself of this thing, then you’re just being mom and dad yourself, once again. so i just wanted to plant that seed a little bit so negative leverage re never works, never works, because it’s deprived. and you still have something that you’re still not getting. so i just want to put that up. uh, that’s, that’s really, really powerful. okay, really bad. okay, number two. the other response is this.you asked me, how does a person work on himself? the when i respond to the other thing that will be actually, how might look? now this goes to like. you’ve heard the same, like, you know, there’s when you try to use the same intelligence decorative problem, you get nowhere. and so.the reason why a lot of people are also stuck with coaching or therapy, or reading self help books are say, attending the tony robbins seminar is because they still have that same mechanism that overwriting negative life, philosophy or life experience. so therefore it.as an example, and a lot of men can relate to this. and that is this. imagine i’m a man, and i am one, and i, my father said, i would never be successful. and this is actually a client. i kind of historic worked with who was running a billion dollar company. and father was a full blown narcissist, and his son, who was older in his fifties. i would say, had a lot of traits as well.his father was a doctor, and this man went to the best college.
He started accompanying very early on his age, but it was always to prove something to prove to his father. so even though that the money was in the bank, he never arrived to a sense of peace and freedom within himself to. And he even say, attracted the attractive wife, it still wasn’t enough, and and him too, he was an alcoholic. instead, he came, he mean, like when he was like fifty five years old. and so. when we now, when i say positive, like negative leverage, it can look positive to the rest of the world. you push yourself through college, you push you did. but if the the narrative, the negative narrative was still there, it was, if you’re not this thing, your loser, if you don’t do this, your loser, that’s dad’s voice. also.so he achieved this, and yet never felt a sense of peace and love for himself. and.so. this it’s very important to remember that even when it looks like your movement forward, it is why take note, man, why you end up self sabotaging again, because you might be doing this program in the attitude in which you have to put yourself through, it is a negative. still has that negative command.
And we need to get rid of that negative command, and your reason for one to do this has to be, because you just love yourself, you’re worth it. and it’s moving at space. and if this were to come up, well, i’m not this until this. then it’s like saying, okay, then you’re only worthy by what others say, or you only lovable by how it looks out there. you know, and again, a lot of people will get there and still not enough, because it’s not coming with them. it’s more from the external validation k.
Now to third response, i was trying to hold on. okay, no, it’s it’s amazing. continue, please. okay. now the third one is this, and that is, you said how a person could change, what did you? how did you actually ask me that again. so it’s like kind of identifying the root, and you’re saying it’s like, how do you create or.ah, you know, create a solution to, and i think you talk about that one guy who had a negative disempowering belief in his father’s voice, like, what do you do like? how do you? how can that person? change and not continue that sabotage. okay, so i’m gonna. try. i’m gonna. try to remember what happened. this is like five years ago. okay, okay. and so just with that person.
And then just kind of expand on it, not exactly in details of how it worked, but it would be like. so first off, with that particular client and never feel enough, it was to first have a client.first first, first, first important to ask them, what is your relationship to emotions?negative or positive because imagine emotion is like. Your check engine light, whether something’s working or not, and if you’re denying it, you’re never giving yourself literally positive feedback to make better choices. you deny who you are, and therefore you effort yourself into doing things that are not really aligned.
So it’s never going to feel good, but you keep overwriting your emotions with negativity, or just trying to, i guess you see power yourself through it. so what is first, your relationship, emotions negative.is it like you feel like a pussy? what is it? and of course, if a man is hearing this right now, you’re already a way ahead of most men, because you’re obviously listening to is because you’re a little bit more open to emotions and self improvement.amazing, so, but it’s going, it’s going to that thought.then also, what was your earlier feelings about emotions?and the persons to like, close your eyes and check in with themselves. and then it’s asking, so how do you feel about emotions? now i just ask that in three different ways, that man, if you were to say, i’m not good with it, then it’s starting at that level.
And that is, what can we do for you to accept yourself and your motions that come up for us to move forward. and after you stop working me, you need to have a positive perspective about that. so they might be the stuff right there and talking about, like, until they become comfortable with it. and what is there are the shadows is when i showed myself, when i was vulnerable, my dad coming down when i was vulnerable to my mom, my mom, just like, didn’t pay attention to me either. when i opened myself up to the male friends or people, i went to school when i was in high school. they made fun of.but it’s more to kind of go, okay, that happens. and how did that serve you? and what would you like to experience now? well, i’d like it to be accepted and validated. then it will be the question. do you need it to be validated by your high school friends? you’re dad now, but as a man right now by yourself, because they’re not going anywhere. they’re here. they exist. they exist in every human being. can you be okay with your emotions? just say, a person finally has like that, that catharsis, they cry, or they connect with it.
Whatever way technique i use, i give you okay with emotions that just be the first level of healing being okay with emotions. okay, i can keep going if you want, but i don’t wanna like to see a model. i know i, i understand. so yeah, let’s keep going a little bit. i think this is a, you know, really good train of thought, and i think it could be really helpful for a lot of guys. um, you know, they’re, they’re certainly in our, at least for me. i mean, it’s, it’s like you don’t want to go them, which is like, hey, man up, suck it up, handle it. those are the kind of voices oftentimes to go on my head. so i really appreciate.
Continue, yeah, this is important, especially men. if you save high problems in number two is okay. now you know, motions are okay. then i want you go to just say, one experience or few experiences in which you feel we’re a pivotal point of your top, your life to where you start to eat more, smoking more weed, or just like not feel the best part of yourself.
And then the person starts talking about it, then i would have them close our eyes, and i s i would want them to. i want you to feel into the experience, and as if you’re there, as if you’re happy now feel it, you know, see it, smell and experience it as if you’re there. and oftentimes people like will keep open eyes because they’re not able to go there, you know, and the it, that shadow that’s coming up is also what they avoid, which leads to them say, eating. so i’m like, just stay with it. remember, emotions are okay, feel with it. they might have an idea they have to get out of it because they have that negative command.
So i’ll say, sit with the emotion. be with it, let it be. let it move your body and always hands down for the the, you know, they’ll experience it on a different level, even if they open our eyes. are, are, are uncomfortable just for that guidance to go. this is here, and it is okay.it can neutralize it, but ideally it would be where they feel it, and it leaves their body. so the energy is not there. if that energy is not there, then also it’s gonna take away that those heavy films you might have late at night, blue or not. but by doing that during the day. so that’s the second step of just being being able to neutralize it. now the third step might be where now that, you know that, well, let’s first get to a transcript. now that the person is able to process the emotions and let it go, then it’s that apparent reality that the surface i started to feel bad when i felt rejected by my girlfriend, or i was fired or something. okay, so the idea is that you felt rejected. you didn’t feel good. therefore, you started to feel bad about yourself.
You started in. okay, but the fact is you’re now that they’re okay with share, like their emotions, they’re able to share it when they share it. there’s more can. it’s not just in their head, and matter of fact, their head is connecting to their emotions, but they’re still a little bit on the surface. they’re more like talking about. it happened now. listen to how i say this. they’re kind of blaming outside circumstances, blaming it influenced them. but truly, that if they felt really good about themselves, being fired or having to break, it would just be another life event, like, for example, i have six year old son, if you were to. like bargain on this interview and get on the camera and say, fuck you, mark, mark would probably steal your laugh. you start laughing, because it’s a kid like. and yet, if he’s twenty six years old, you like, you mean, like you would take a person like, if they were supposed to be an adult, and and you would feel like he’s confronting you. you’re maybe sense of self. and yet a six year old, you didn’t have that reaction. so within our framework, within our, you know, mental construct, we interpret information differently, and some things we allowed to bothers some things. we don’t. okay, so now take what i do share.
And now imagine that man, or who was in high school when he was seventeen years old, when his girlfriend broke up with him, he interpreted as if he was not enough that he wasn’t attractive enough. he wasn’t worthy of.that’s because he didn’t have a strong say, self esteem.
And so it’s not because she broke up with him. it’s what he said to himself. so the true, the apparent reality is, i felt this way because my girlfriend broke up with me with a transparent belief. the internal one is this. i didn’t feel worthy. i didn’t feel enough.
And now you got it. and so i go on a refrigerator when i don’t feel enough. i go and refrigerator when i’m not really love of myself. okay, now i understand us. and now we understand us cause i, i hate the same too when it’s like on a surface, just love yourself. the fuck is our name, just love yourself. well, now you know what it means on a deeper level in which it could possibly be experience in a better way.because if.you perceive things. as being against you that even someone saying, just love yourself, you can experience that as if you’re doing something wrong. so it’s being able to listen to the inner dialogue and how you’re interpreting information. that’s really, by the way, you know, as you’re speaking, doctor ray, it reminded me of like, man. i’ve got to listen to this again, because there’s there’s a lot of information right you’re going through. and this is something like you could listen to two, three times and still get new, new insights with, and one really cool thing we did. which was a complete game changer for me was when we did our assets together.
You’re like record them, and i’m like, okay. and i was, i thought that was amazing that you would allow people to record it. and so when you we recorded together, and i could hear i, i listen to the whole thing. and i’m like, and i heard myself talking, and i was like, who is that guy a couple times. because then i can hear these stories so can tell me a little bit more about why you do that, what you think the benefits are. i’m going to respond that, but i wanted to give something because i gave a very long winded response to this whole process to give it a one, two, three, four process. okay, would be number one to be able to find out your relationship to motions, just in general, number two, to be able to have the experience to experience your emotions fully and let it move through your body. number three to be able to talk about the experience in which you feel victimized, you or hurt your influence you from in a way that you’re vulnerable and open a connecting to your emotions. and number four to be able to discover the transparent belief, the inner dialogue, what you said to yourself about the experience, then that would help catapult you over your invisible or the wall would just disappear the visible wall. so there’s that, yeah, and now we really appreciate that, but continue, yeah, please continue now, as far as the.
The recording is this, what’s great about that? and traditional therapists don’t do it or allow it. i would demand it if you do it, i would pull out your phone, record yourself and record their issues, which is privacy. so you might have to sign some documents, but. william, you are in your shit. you’re in your ship. you don’t know how you sound. you don’t know what’s going on. so when you record yourself in a great coaching session, you’ll hear your defensiveness, you’ll hear your limited beliefs. you’ll hear yourself argue for your limitations. you know, like, for example. i’ve worked with clients who will say, yeah, they’ll get a great place, and they’ve landed there. they fled their bear, and they describe it in a way where they understand it. and then they said, well, what’s going to happen when blah, blah, blah, blah blah. i said, you just, you just went there, and then we go back into, like doing a deeper work again.
They feel pretty good, and then they start going, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. you know, i, i, i’m afraid it’s gonna fail because this, that, and he realized the person he’s going to a past story or past version. either we haven’t gone deeper or whatever, but what’s interesting recording, they hear themselves, and then they sometimes have come back and and say, now i know what my girlfriend was talking about when she says, i just take everything to a negative, no matter how positive it is. that i seem to kind of keep projecting like this fatalistic outcome or something. so recording allows you to kind of the way here are you unconsciously? in real time.
It. i think for the reasons that you just said, i mean, it’s, it’s so powerful. it’s one of those things. it it can create change, right like it’s like hearing yourself say something you’re like. wait, that’s me. i’m, i’m continuing this. and you can, you can observe the pattern when you hear it yourself, and you, as you’re saying it’s almost these unconscious things, but you become conscious of the unconscious. and that seems to be so powerful. i’ll i’ll give you example, okay, right. oh god, i was on an interview just like this, a pot. and it was during the peak of shutdown. and i had my son with me, and i was trying to do the interview when he was in the other room. and i sounded like i was talking really fast. i mean, i do in general when i’m excited, but like.i was on too much coffee. i sounded stressed out, and i, i was, i was hoping i was. i can use the interview for, because here i was, i actually did some breakthrough stuff for the guy, and i found myself communicate in a way in which i’ve heard before. and if there’s been a reflection by, you know, girlfriends and people updated like, i can tell your stress. but because unconsciously there, like in the moment, i feel what i’m saying is positive and sound. i have a little bit of a bite to my tone.and so even with me, suppose he has an expert, i’ve heard myself on recordings and would have said, wow. wow, i must have been having one of those days. okay, so we’re not supposed to be perfect. we are to be hopefully compassionate with ourselves. cool, so so listen, i mean, we’re getting up on like forty five minutes already.
So dr ray, i really, really, really, really appreciate you. uh, you know, coming to join, and um i think that’s it before we run is there. is there some way that people can learn more about you, or, or um, you know.find more, find something more about you. uh, yes, visit my website, which is w.w.w.dot r a y d o k t o r dot com。and that’s my ruling, as mentioned, ray at ray doctor dot com. awesome, all right. well, listen, doctor, right. it was like, you know, i’m, i’m super grateful you came on. i’m really uh i guess, optimistic that uh this is gonna, be really helpful for a lot of guys in particular and make so much and enjoy the rest of your day. man, thank you very much. all right, bye, bye.